Feel Good Fridays

For a breif explanation of Feel Good Fridays click here.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist, what's your explanatory style?

Why are some people successful despite many setbacks and others fail?  Why do some people keep striving and others give up?  Psychologists relate this to your explanatory style, the way you explain events to yourself.

Seligman says there are 3 dimensions to explanatory style but today I am just going to focus on one...permanence.  When something bad happens to you does it feel like it will be that way forever or do you think of it as only a temporary setback?  For instance, you don't get hired for the job you wanted...do you think "I will never get hired for a good job" or do you think "the competition was tough for this job, I will have better luck with the next one."  Seligman explains that people who are successful in life think of bad events as only temporary.  Failure makes everyone feel momentarily helpless, those that can let go of failure faster are able to continue to try for success.  For good events, optimists think the opposite; good events are permanent.  People who believe good events have permanence are more likely to try harder after they succeed.  Those who feel they are temporary are more likely to give up.

Training yourself to think more optimistically will ultimately lead to being more successful in all aspects of life; you relationships, your job, your creative endeavors, etc.

Happy Friday everyone!

Long Talks

Last night the San Francisco boyfriend and I were talking on the phone about his first day at work when my words just started to tumble out of me.  Has that ever happened to you?  You've been holding something back and once you get started into saying something everything just comes out.  I started telling him about the doubts I had in our realtionship and how much pressure I was feeling to make him happy and move up there with him and I just told him all of these worries and doubts I've been having for the last few weeks that I was just too afraid to say out loud. 

He handled everything so well, and listened to me so patiently and didn't once get upset or defensive.  He talked me through everything and made me feel so much better.  And the whole talk ironically made all my doubts and worries feel silly, because he truly is such a great guy and we have a really good relationship.  And so I'm writing this post as a much less anxious and worried me than the past few weeks.  And I guess the advice you can take from this if you can take any, is that good communication in any relationship is so important. 

Free Sake for a Good Time

Over the weekend Alyssa took my sister and me to this restaurant about 20 minutes away in Orange area, called Shabu Shabu.  This place was awesome!!  Not only do you get a FREE sake if you check in to yelp on your smart phone (because that would be enough for me to love this place), the service is really friendly and funny, and the food is great.  You get a choice of meat and this comes with rice and vegetables and it all comes out for you to cook yourself in boiling water.  It's kinda like Korean BBQ, but instead of a BBQ fire pit you have your own pot of boiling water that you can flavor yourself.  It may sound a little odd but its very good and such a fun time. 

Waiting for our seats to be ready...its all bar-type seating

Plenty of Sakes

The boiling water and the sesame seeds you grind up to become part of your sauce

Spicy seasoning?   Yes. Always yes.

Sake number one.

At the end they make some of your left over noodles and things and your water into a soup...yum!

Sake number two!

Feel Good Fridays

Even with his cone, Tucker is feeling good on Fridays.
Click here for a quick background on "Feel Good Fridays."

Are you an optimist or a pessimist or maybe, like most of us, you consider yourself a realist?  As a former realist, converted optimist, I thought being an optimist meant being idealistic, out of touch with reality, a dreamer, a hippie!  But the social meaning of optimism has changed in large part due to Positive Psychology.  Optimism is a way of thinking that allows for self-growth, love for other people, desire to change, and even success for ourselves.  It is the optimist that overcomes his failures and with resilience, works on to achieve success.  The optimist does not ignore problems, no he overcomes the minds natural tendencies to dwell on problems and decides to focus himself on the potential successes of the future.

And for your optimistic pleasure here is a quote from Seligman's book Learned Optimism about the benefits of optimism:

"The way we think, especially about health, changes our health.

Optimists catch fewer infectious diseases than pessimists do.

Optimists have better health habits than pessimists do.

Our immunes system may work better when we are optimistic.

Evidence suggest that optimists live longer than pessimists."

Tea with Mom

A friend recently told me about a tea place in our area called Coffee, Tea And Tulips and with a name like that I had to try it.  Dublin made me appreciate a traditional English tea---the kind that comes with your own kettle, and a scone or a muffin and some good jam.  I don't know why the afternoon tea tradition didn't carry over to America but it really should have. 

Their menus are taped onto the inside of large hardcover picture books.  How cute is that?  And somehow they new my mom liked art and I liked...

 Teddy Bears?

 

Mmm...scone with jam and cream!

 

Jon Moves Today

I mentioned here that Jon would be moving away soon and that day is finally today.  It has surprised me how depressed its made me.  It's only going to be a few months and he's within driving distance (6 hours) but I just can't help thinking about how we can't just grab a quick coffee, or end the day with a movie, or just plain hug and kiss each other whenever we want to.  And its just never been like that for us, and I can't help but be nervous about how its gonna go. 

But instead I'm going to try to focus on my excitement for him and for us as we begin a new chapter into our adult lives and especially on the fact that we're doing it together.



I hope you're having a better Monday.

Feel Good Fridays

 Today marks the first of a series I'm starting called "Feel Good Fridays."  This blog is meant for me to share and express my findings and thoughts about happiness, on a personal level but also from a scientific perspective.  Often the terms "happiness" or "self-help" leave a bad taste--one in which involves an uneducated, non-researched opinion on "how to get happy."  I have found that there are experiments in happiness that are backed with extensive follow up.
These experiments are part of the one of the youngest branches of psychology called "Positive Psychology."  This is a psychology that focuses on how to make the well mind better instead of the typical how to fix the unwell mind.
The father of it all is Martin Seligman, Ph.D.  For those of you with some general psychology background, Seligman actually gained his fame and reputability from his studies on learned helplessness.  It was after these studies, Seligman started to switch his focus to the opposite end of learned helplessness...learned optimism and its affects on achievements, health, and overall thinking.
I recently began reading his book "Learned Optimisim."  And so I begin this series with the quote Seligman begins his book.

"yes is a world

& in this world of

yes live

(skilfully curled)

all worlds"

 e.e. cummings

Body Pump

So if you're looking to be incredibly sore and walk like a grandpa for the next 2 days, I have a class for you.  I went to my first Body Pump class yesterday, and little did I know about what I was getting myself into.  I walk in and everyone was quickly and confidently grabbing all sorts of equipment.  So naturally what do I do?  I quickly and confidently start grabbing equipment like mats and plastic square things and weights and a bar.  This was my first class and I had no idea what I would be doing, so I decided that 7.5lbs of weight on either side of the bar would be good to start out with.  It didn't take longer than the first warm up session to rethink my decision and decide that 2.5lbs on either side of the bar was good enough. This class is demanding and challenging and at times I felt like I might not make it out of there alive.  And the results, I'm sore all over, which in my opinion, means a good class.

Date Night

Jon and I finally got around to going on a real date to this nice place right on PCH (Pacific Coast Highway), Javier's (the Crystal Cove location).  We shared a fajita platter.  The food, the drinks, the atmosphere was -I feel like an old rich white guy when I say this- "top notch."  It's probably my favorite restaurant in Orange County...but with the price to show for it.  So its reserved only for special treat date nights. 

Anyway we had a great time but then near the end of the meal we ended up getting in a pretty big fight.  It was sparked mostly by the stress of Jon's impending move to San Francisco in a week.  Does anyone else in a long term relationship feel like the pressure of a real date night brings about arguments?  I feel like its when you've planned something important and you want the night to go perfectly that any little setback feels worse than it usually does.  I feel like if we had been out to coffee, our argument would have been merely a discussion.  Thoughts?

my first etsy purchase came today!

Today my very first etsy purchase came in the mail.  I ordered a bracelet from Taylor Morgan Design and it came today! Taylor also has a really cute blog.
 I didn't think I would be so excited but its so much better getting something handmade and from somebody I feel like I've kind of met than just buying something at a store.  It came in a cute little box with a cute little handwritten card.  It was the highlight of my Monday.

Seattle Part 3

Maybe I went a little crazy on the pictures in Seattle but I couldn't help it.  It just has this total hippy, alternative, retro-loving vibe to it that I just instantly loved and wanted to be a part of it.  Anyway Happy Monday!

More from Seattle

 

Inconspicuous entrance to the "Pink Door" restaurant...it made me feel like the restaurant was a local secret

 Scenes from the Pink Door

 

 

"Can I get a hot tub?!"